i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
