Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
