I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
