Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
