is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
