Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
