He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
