How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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