like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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