Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
