i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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