I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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