I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
