Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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