My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
