Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
