i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
