so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
