watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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