He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize