it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
