I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
