If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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