Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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