I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
there is puke in my bra ... again
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