Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
handjob tips. give me some.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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