garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
