Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have fence marks all over my body
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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