During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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