I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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