Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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