Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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