New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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