I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
