dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
