you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
