hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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