Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm drive I can fine osifer
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
