Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
