3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize