You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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