I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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