you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
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