She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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