My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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