Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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