your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
