turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
