I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
