TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The ass gains better be worth it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
