I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
