The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Who died my cat blue again?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
