Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
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