worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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