TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
