I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
