There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
