you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
