Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We need to get me chipped asap
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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