the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
