remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
