and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
