On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
