and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
