Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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