I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
