if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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