walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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