garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
