tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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