what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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