I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
