you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize