AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize