who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
