I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
