you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
